Birthday Musings

How does one celebrate a birthday?

Should I tell myself

It’s all an abnormally prolonged dream

And that reality only exists

On the other side of it

Should I feel sad

That all my previous selves

Are going to be just a footnote

To my present self

Should I remember

All my sins

And repent hopelessly

To atone for what is left of me

Should I reminisce

My glorious moments

And find pernicious peace

In the collective

Of imagined happiness

Or should I forget

That I’m inseparably entangled

To every living and non-living being

In this universe

Orbiting the empty void within

I don’t know

How to celebrate

This inevitable periodicity

Of my insatiable life

But let me not bother tonight

Let me find myself

A night full of fantasies

Kyunki aksar yun hua hai

Ki khayaalon mai

Woh sab hua hai

Jo haqeeqat mai nahi hota..

Take me in therapy

Shaam hone ko hai

And I’m still angry at you

I know I know

What you’ll say

It’s a pattern – a dysfunctional pattern

And I am sure

You’ll show me all the capillaries

Of my dysfunctional pattern

Running its veins

Through all my thoughts, emotions

And behaviors

To its original source

But what about love? Haan?

Is love too a dysfunctional pattern?

Will you show me

All the frustratingly complex capillaries

Of this dysfunctional pattern too

To its original source

What shall I find there?

Or rather who shall I find there?

You or God?